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 A needless survey of curmudgeons

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Forget Our planets atmosphere. Stop worrying regarding the rainforests and the Great Spotted Owls. We have an endangered species below in your house. The truly great American curmudgeon.

The ranks of real codgers, cantankerous misanthropes, grumps along with other churlish citizens are thinning. Sure, we've got Andy Rooney. But he 91 years of age. What number of more many years of irascibility can we possibly expect?

Here my incomplete set of curmudgeons. It doesn include Homer Simpson dad or Mitch McConnell. We've selected all of them with care evaluating them about the proprietary BakerMuse curmudgeon scale.

The curmudgeon typically is definitely an older man with loose fitting dentures, a clear tongue as well as a various ailments out of your 1800s like carbuncles and lumbago. Surprisingly, he's got a fondness for Polka music and Marlene Dietrich movies.

From the painful pantheon of worldclass curmudgeons, Wilfred Brimley may be the undisputed King. In the event you haven heard the name, you understand the face. His signature may be the a mustache this is a shorter, more albinolike sort of the classic Yosemite Sam. If you moved Andy Rooney eyebrows for the upper lip, there is a Brimley.

He basically plays exactly the same irascible codger if it inside the Thing, Cocoon, or even the Firm. Lately, he can found looking at surface of a sagging horse selling diabetic supplies. I obtained so nervous I purchased the supplies i wasn even diabetic.

A presidential candidate in 1992, H. Ross could be the chameleon of curmudgeons. He got the all irascible traits, nevertheless it packaged having a welltailored suit and occasional bolo tie. He the bantam rooster of curmudgeons. Where Ross shines is his down home Dr. Philish conversational style something such as can put powdered sugar on manure but that doesn transform it into a donut. Or Texarkana, who ate the burrito? Somebody has passed more gas than the usual Nascar pit crew.

They're two ornery, disagreeable old guys who show up in balcony seats heckling whoever is on stage. These artful codgers have hair coming out of their ears and just what definitely seems to be bad dentures or in Waldorf's case no teeth in any respect. Statler and Waldorf would be the curmudgeons with the Muppet world second and then Jeff Dunham Walter.

Here are several of the retorts:

Statler: Nope, they ALL bad!

Statler: I'm wondering if there really is life on another planet.

Waldorf: Why do you care? You don have a life for this one?

Milton Berle: I not funny? I really want you understand that I been a comedian half my well being.

Waldorf: Why did we have this half?

The permanent snarl says all of it. Obviously, it's not a guy who hears Olivia Newton John classic You Been Mellow. His actual name is Richard Bruce Cheney. Nobody quite knows why stuck. On your own who isn completely afraid of the previous Vice President is Wilfred Brimley.

Mind you, If I go missing next blog is published, please put Cheney and Perot as well as the two angry Muppets around the suspect list.

Once i was an just a toddler, I was only scared of two people. One was Margaret Hamilton (AKA The Wicked Witch from the West) and Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons. Imagine him since the love child of Granny through the Beverly Hillbillies and Dick Cheney. I see him i start to hyperventilate, my knuckles go white and my palms rush exactly the same feeling I managed to get at my wedding.

He was the cantankerous livein nanny/cook to the three sons. I sorry, was Leona Queen of Mean Helmsley out of stock? Was Freddy Kruger otherwise engaged? Where Leo G. Carroll when you really need him. Frankly, while i see a mature sourfaced man in an apron, I get a tiny bit nervous.

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